On Giving Up by Adam Phillips
On Giving Up
I just finished reading On Giving Up by Adam Phillips. It is a thought-provoking book that delves into our relationship with ambition, failure, and the pressure to strive constantly. The book is incredibly insightful because Phillips challenges our culture’s obsession with persistence. This never-quit ethos leaves millions feeling stuck.
Phillips’s short but impactful book challenges our cultural norms and offers a fresh perspective on letting go. Although densely written, it is insightful.
Phillips discusses how giving up isn’t necessarily bad—it can be freeing.
The Challenge
When reading On Giving Up, I thought about my past experiences. Nearly twenty years ago, I was so fixated on a goal that I didn’t feel that it was holding me back – continuing to work full-time for the federal government while pursuing my doctoral degree full-time at Cambridge University undermined my ability to be fully present with those around me as I relentlessly pursued both goals – at the expense of my health and well-being.
I finished my Ph.D. but immediately resigned from my government role in international activities during the Bush Administration. I auditioned for Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar at the Shakespeare Theatre Company in D.C., directed by David Muse.
The Benefits
I got a role in the play and started teaching at George Washington University. I also taught fine arts and performing arts to 5-7-year-olds every Friday at the Capitol Hill Arts Workshop in D.C. while creating Our COMMON Foundation, which I continue serving as CEO today.
In On Giving Up, Phillips emphasizes that it’s not about quitting in a negative sense but about knowing when to let go, which can open up new possibilities. I didn’t thoroughly learn this hard lesson until I was diagnosed with Stage IVb of rare blood cancer. After overcoming it, I’ve become even better at letting go, so this book resonated.
Making Better Choices
One of the things that struck me is how he talks about desire. We always want more success, validation, and goals. Still, Phillips points out that this kind of desire can be endless and often leaves us unsatisfied.
Giving up can be a way of confronting that desire and realizing we don’t need to chase after everything. It’s like coming to peace knowing that you don’t have to do everything you want because you can’t.
The Psychology
In On Giving Up, Phillips also explores the psychological side of giving up. Sometimes, it’s not about throwing in the towel; it’s more about surrendering and accepting the limits of what’s possible. I never considered it that way, but it’s a powerful concept. Giving up doesn’t mean failure—it could mean freeing ourselves from something holding us back.
The Messages to Overcome
We’re often told to push through, keep going, and never give up. However, Phillips argues that this view can be damaging. It can create many inner conflicts, making us feel like failures when we want to walk away from something, even for our own good. He suggests we should rethink what it means to succeed and recognize that sometimes, knowing when to give up is a form of wisdom, empowering us to redefine our measures of success.
The more I think about it, the more I realize how much pressure young people, all of us, put on ourselves to keep striving, even when it might not be the best choice.
The Path Forward
In On Giving Up, Phillips shows that giving up can be a psychological strategy. It helps us step back and reevaluate what truly matters. It’s a way to stop chasing the wrong things and get more in touch with ourselves.
Phillips’ book made me reconsider how I think about my goals and what it means to let go even more than I already do. It could give everyone who reads it a fresh perspective on how we approach life’s challenges.
I’d recommend it if you want to explore and reflect on your habits and mindsets. It encourages self-reflection and a deeper understanding of our behaviors. Please give it a read. You can learn more about Adam Phillips here.